It has come to my attention how much I have grown over the past few years, not always for the better. Let me explain.
I was going through old entries, journals, blog posts, pictures etc. I used to be so angry, I was always cursing, and always had something to say, no matter how disrespectful it was. Now a days I find myself to be more on the shyer side. Though I still speak my mind if I have something to say, most of the time I’ll just be the one listening.
I do have to say though, that I miss the outspoken girl I used to be sometimes, depending on the situation. Not only was I more free spirited, but my writing felt real. I read these old passages, and I feel like there was an actual person behind the keyboard. Something, that I now, feel like I don’t happen to be as much. I think it has to do with the fact that my viewers have grown more than I ever expected it to be, and with wanting to be professional in my paintings and everything that revolves around it, I’ve unknowingly added a filter. A filter that just states the basics, and doesn’t say too much, but just enough.
Further more, due to my failed engagement..(yes, I have finally said it online). I didn’t want to put too much out there, especially because the past comes with a vengeance, that truthfully has no reason in even being there. Many months have passed, and I chose to have nothing to do with him and what we had. Moving on…
I want to be able to live my life freely, write freely and better yet, have opinions without having to worry if someone else is going to get offended or go out ready for war. Something that we should all be adults about and just keep living life without having to worry about spite.
My life isn’t perfect, and I don’t ever want anyone to think it is. I have gone through a lot of shit, and I should’t have to be embarrassed for it. Of course sometimes I’ll be cautious with what I post up online, because let’s face it, it’s still the internet. At the end of the day it’s my call.
I hope that I can learn to become a better version of myself, a perfect blend of that drunken girl I used to be, the coy young lady I am now, and the amazing woman I hope to become.
At the end of the day, this is my life, and I want you guys to be a part of it, craziness and all.